What’s a Middle-Aged Goober Doing at Blissdom?

I don’t really know from blogging. As a professional writer and editor who has worked in the publishing world for 25 years, I know about words. As a woman nearing fifty, I know about marrying late, burying my father (the first love of my life), caring for my elderly mother, and wondering if I’ll get it all done before my time is up. As a retreat leader and workshop facilitator, I know it’s the sharing of our stories that saves us. And here I’m talking about the tough stories, the ones about loss, and grief, and regrets, and dreams denied that all too often our society/family/religion/ego wants us to keep to ourselves.

But this whole blogging thing has me a bit stymied: Do I need a catchy theme, with a title that enhances SEO? (I do actually know what that stands for, thanks to Randy Elrod.) Do I have to be a “mommy blogger”? If so, I’m screwed, because I blog under my own name and I do not have children. So where does that leave me, a middle-aged goober who encourages women to write their hearts out?

For starters, it leaves me looking for all the guidance I can lap up. So last week I headed out to Gaylord Opryland Hotel and attended the Blissdom Conference. (I was miffed last year when I heard about it after the fact, and couldn’t believe I was so out of the loop in my own town.)

I walked in knowing I would see at least one familiar face, because we’d promised one another we’d take turns rescuing whichever one of us was feeling more vulnerable, as we were both stepping outside our comfort zone. I ended up knowing several folks, and even ran across a co-worker from Her Nashville. But mostly I interacted with women I had never met or even heard of.

And here’s what I learned:
There are women—women just like you and me—doing amazing things online: advocating for charitable causes, exposing issues surrounding small farms and raw foods, inspiring better parenting, making all sorts of crafty items, cooking healthy food, finding their way through addiction. The list goes on, and that list can be both freeing, “there’s room for everyone,” and intimidating, “who do I think I am.” What the Blissdom panelists and speakers modeled for me is that there is still plenty of room, and that if I think I’m the one to tell a certain story in a certain way, then I am. Funny, that’s exactly how I advise the women in my writing workshops: you’re the only one who can tell your story and yes, the world has room for it. Let’s write it, and then we’ll worry about what to do with it.

But there was more: conversations with women from all over the country that I never would have met otherwise; time for socializing in an environment free from competition for who has the most Twitter followers (not me); great swag, really, the best conference happies ever; delicious food; and the playing of “Party in America,” “Party in the USA,” which made the menopausal me burst into tears (in a good way). On top of all that, I heard Brene Brown, whose book The Gifts of Imperfection is already informing my work; and Scott Stratten, on whom I think I have developed a crush. (Please don’t tell Precious.) I think I even made a few new friends.

In the end, there were women there who’ve been blogging longer than I have, and women who have just started; women who have confidence in themselves, and their words, and women who wonder if they’ll ever bring themselves to hit “publish”; women who are younger and thinner, and women who share my creaky knees and desire to lose weight. But our common denominator remains: we all have stories worth telling.

“It’s the sharing of our stories that saves us.”

Amy Lyles Wilson & ALIGN Wellness Studio

Invite You to a Women’s Writing Circle

March 19, 2011

We are not a critique group, but a community of women who have something to say and have not yet found the time, permission, or space to write. In the Circle, writing prompts and guided exercises tap your creative spirit in a mindful and intentional way. Conducted under the principles of Amherst Writers & Artists, all writing is treated as fiction, regardless of its factual content, and no one is compelled to read aloud if she is not moved to do so. Come claim your chair in the Circle; your stories are safe with us.

  • Saturday, March 19, 2011
  • 9:00 to 9:30 a.m.: Gather
  • 9:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m.: Write and Reflect
  • Cost: $50.00
  • Laptops or journals (anything you like to write on) are appropriate.
  • Call or email the ALIGN Studio to reserve your spot: 615-383-0148, nashvillealign@comcast.net; space is limited!

ALIGN Wellness Studio: Belle Meade Plaza,
4544 Harding Pike, Suite 215, Nashville, TN

The Women’s Writing Circle is facilitated by Amy Lyles Wilson, a columnist for Her Nashville magazine (www.hernashville.com) and co-author of Bless Your Heart: Saving the World One Covered Dish at a Time. Her essay “The Guts to Keep Going” was featured on National Public Radio’s “This I Believe” and appears in This I Believe II: More Personal Philosophies from Remarkable Men and Women. Amy Lyles is a trained affiliate of Amherst Writers and Artists (www.amherstwriters.com). Learn more at www.amylyleswilson.com.

Give It Up in 2011

With a nod to the ever-inspirational Sam Davidson, here are 11 things I can do without in 2011:

  1. Clothes I haven’t worn in two years. I’m bagging them up now for donation.
  2. Duplicate copies of books that I bring home, forgetting that one copy already rests on a shelf or in a backpack waiting to be read for the first time.
  3. People who live to criticize.
  4. Wasted downtime. Use it or lose it.
  5. My obsession with getting an old car back that I wish I’d never sold.
  6. Fear of Skype.
  7. Worrying about things I can’t change.
  8. The third datebook I bought, hoping it will help me get more organized. As soon as I find datebooks one and two, I’m sure I’ll be on top of things and won’t need the third one.
  9. Comparing myself to others.
  10. Group emails with recipients’ email addresses visible. Repeat after me: “Bcc.”
  11. That extra 15 pounds.

“Do you work?”

Clark Gable: “Oh, Mr. Faulkner, do you write?”

William Faulkner: “Yes, I do, Mr. Gable. And what do you do?”

It’s a simple enough question, posed to me by the office manager at my dentist’s office this morning while I’m paying my bill. (I’m not really dressed to be out in public, so this may be one reason she’s wondering. Sometimes I forget that everyone doesn’t run around town in their sweats. Without makeup.) This, after just being told that one day my gum may separate from my teeth, bottom left, thereby allowing “stuff” to accumulate in the resulting pocket.

“What happens then?” I ask, not really wanting to know. I am still gripping the sides of the dental chair, even though the examination and cleaning are over.

“We send you to a gum specialist,” says the smiling dentist. Man does he have nice teeth.

“But let’s not worry about that just yet. For today, everything is fine.”

Obviously the smiling dentist does not know me as well as, say, Precious or my therapist. For worrying about instances that might never happen is my favorite hobby. Right up there with borrowing trouble and catastrophizing about events that statistically occur once every gazillion years if you live in the Outback and don’t have insurance. At least that is what the old me would do; the new, 2011-me is going to be laid back, carefree, a go-with-the-flow kind of middle-aged goober. So I smile back at the smiling dentist with the perfect teeth and sort through the basket of free toothbrushes looking for one with a purple handle. I have just read, in Move Your Stuff, Change Your Life: How to Use Feng Shui to Get Love, Money, Respect and Happiness (Karen Rauch Carter, Fireside, 2000) that purple is a color of prosperity. I can’t find a purple toothbrush, so I throw caution to the wind and go with red. The old me would have never done that. I’ll have to look up what red means asap. I’m hoping it indicates “bold” and “confident.” “Published.”

“Yes,” I say to the woman behind the counter. “I work. I’m a writer.”

I am terribly pleased with myself for answering her so directly, free of excuses about not being in the New York Times or not having been an Oprah Book Club pick when there was still time to be an Oprah Book Club pick.

“Do you enjoy your work?” she asks.

“Yes,” I say. “Yes, I do.”

“Then you’re lucky.”

“Yes,” I say. “Yes, I am.”


Minding My Mother: One Man’s Prison

Here’s the scene: I’m sitting next to my mother, who is 88 and lives in a “retirement community.” We’re watching a television show about Bernie Madoff, the disgraced/disgraceful financier who is now serving prison time for bilking investors out of millions of dollars. One of his fellow inmates says he thinks that life in the prison must be similar to living in an “old age home.” It’s one of the nicer joints, apparently, with holiday cookouts, flat screen tvs, and beautiful landscaping. Still, though, there are structured mealtimes, mandated check ins, and limited societal interactions that one associates with being locked up. This comparison is not lost on my precious mother, who winks at me and squeezes my hand.